my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
