I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
