i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
