Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
