There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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