we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
