awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
