do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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