Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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