my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You smell like stripper and shame
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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