I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
