I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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