I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There r osticjed everywhere
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You need a sexual gate keeper
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
