I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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