i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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