I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
