In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
