You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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