can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
