Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
