shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
