She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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