I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
