U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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