I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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