Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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