I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
