I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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