I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Barsexuality is the new black.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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