There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
