He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
