What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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