he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
