Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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