Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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