Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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