Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I believe in your delicious
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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