shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My pussy is not your playground.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
