I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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