At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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