Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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