So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
