I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Someone signed my nipple.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
