True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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