I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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