Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
