We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the liver wants what the liver wants
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
