Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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