I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
