i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
