I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
