I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
