Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
