Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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