i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
