We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
