i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
