Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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