How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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