Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
