Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
