I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
