this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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