STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
