I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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