How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
