hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
