it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Everyone says I win the strip club
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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