I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
