he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Randomize
