I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
