do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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