What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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