people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
