sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
