O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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