She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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