onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
